


chasing pavements

by whitepaint



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, continuation of a twitter au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23651050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitepaint/pseuds/whitepaint
Summary: When mistakes were supposed to be cleared, Donghyuck added more.*continuation of a renhyuck twitter au*reposted
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Kudos: 24





	chasing pavements

If there’s one thing Renjun is a master at, it’s making sure awkward moments don’t exist. A week after Renjun’s confession, when they met again for practice, he acted like nothing happened; Donghyuck’s kissing mission didn’t happen, Donghyuck forgetting Renjun didn’t happen, Renjun confessing didn’t happen. It would’ve relieved Donghyuck because he still has his best friend, but he’s not heartless; Renjun was in pain. He didn’t have to show it but Donghyuck would still feel it even with whole continents between them. He didn’t call himself Renjun’s soulmate for nothing. Then again, if he really was Renjun’s soulmate, he wouldn’t have forgotten him.

How in the world did he forget a whole ass adult anyway?

“Maybe because you’ve gotten used to having him around?” Mark tried, shrugging awkwardly. He was looking at Donghyuck in such a pitiful way that the younger just felt more miserable. “Honestly, dude? I love you but you do have tendencies that I simply don’t want to help you with. Because there’s just no way around it.”

“The way you create messes is impeccable,” Jeno added, running his hand up and down Donghyuck’s back. “But that’s who you are, no explanations required.”

Unfortunately, along with acting normal around Donghyuck, Renjun also made a habit of distancing himself. Donghyuck understood whole heartedly, it’s both a defense and coping mechanism for Renjun. But fuck, he missed his best friend. Worst of all, Donghyuck had this urge to reach out that he needed to stop because it won’t help Renjun heal. At this point, to say Donghyuck is losing his mind would be such a great understatement.

“It’s so easy to be selfish.”

“We know,” Jisung said as he leaned his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder. “We also know you’re better than that.”

*.*

It’s so easy to be selfish. Lord knows he fought so hard though. He thought he was one-hundred percent sure where he stood in all this mess, hence the sorry. He had already hurt Renjun so much with the rejection, the least he could do was to avoid fucking up further. He knew though when the downward spiral started.

“Taeyong hyung, I’m going out.” Jaehyun said, cellphone and wallet in one hand and a fancy-looking paper bag in the other. “I’m taking Renjun to dinner.”

“Have fun! Is that a gift!?” Taeyong almost screamed in excitement as he grabbed the paper bag to reveal a slim box that has a Lamy logo in front, Renjun’s favorite brand of fountain pen. “Oh yeah, make sure he eats a lot, okay? He’s been eating a lot less lately.”

Donghyuck felt bile rise to his throat. It’s one thing to avoid the person you said you like, but to use someone else to forget? That, in Donghyuck’s books, was too low; specially for Renjun. He didn’t think it was possible for such a sweet person to blatantly use a rebound. And a close friend of Donghyuck’s too. Before he can use his brain for any further thinking, he stupidly opened his mouth.

“Renjun’s using a rebound now?”

“Excuse me?” Jaehyun asked, wide-eyed in shock.

“Hyung, he’s using you as a rebound.”

“Lee Donghyuck-“

“What? I rejected him so he moves on to you? Sounds like rebound to me.”

If it hadn’t been for Taeyong, Donghyuck would have gotten a punch to the jaw then. The rare anger in Jaehyun’s face and the raised fist was enough to pull Donghyuck out of his own ass. He just fucking made a dick move.

“Lee Donghyuck, I hope you don’t regret saying those things about Renjun. I hope, when things ultimately become clear to you, that you’re not yet too late.”

And with that, Jaehyun left.

*.*

Donghyuck made it official that he’s gone crazy when he picked up his phone one day and called Renjun in sheer desperation. It’s been more than a month since the whole mess and, while they still talk, the conversations definitely weren’t the least bit friendly. He very miserably missed his best friend.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun’s voice was gravelly on the other side of the line, like he just woke up. Knowing Renjun though, he was most likely having vocal training. “What is it?”

There was a weird feeling of satisfaction, almost like relief, upon hearing Renjun’s voice. Donghyuck couldn’t really put his finger on it, but the way his surroundings cleared when Renjun spoke; it felt like someone pulled him out of a murky pool. He didn’t know Renjun could have this effect on him, but somehow, he’s not surprised.

“I missed you,” he said, ignoring the fear of Renjun hanging up on him blooming in the deepest parts of his heart. “We haven’t talked in a long while.”

For a while after that, Renjun was quiet. Donghyuck wasn’t really expecting an answer to that, he’s just happy Renjun didn’t hang up.

“I missed you too,” Renjun replied. “I’m sorry for avoiding you.”

“I understand why.”

After that, it seemed like a switch had been flipped back on. Renjun and Donghyuck’s friendship went back to normal, if not stronger. It’s like they fought and made up, only there really wasn’t any fights. They never talked about what happened, just had a silent agreement that it was better left at that. Maybe someday, but definitely not while Renjun’s wounds were still raw and open.

And Donghyuck could feel it, Renjun’s pain. Renjun still went quiet at times, disappeared from earth especially when they’re right beside each other. Chenle made a joke out of it once, said Renjun’s been mentally visiting his alien friends a lot lately, just so they could laugh off the tension. This was when Donghyuck got the most worried, when Renjun got too deep inside his brain.

Renjun’s new behavior made Donghyuck make a habit of watching Renjun closely. When the older gets into his own head, Donghyuck would distract him with whatever is easily within reach. Renjun came back down much faster when he’s being held, be it in an embrace or by the hand. And then, without much of Donghyuck’s effort to control things, these small gestures were added to their friendship like rituals they’ve had since the beginning. He stopped waiting for Renjun to slip into his own mind before touching. A hug was a form of affection, and a hand was made to be held. It became their new normal.

*.*

“Donghyuck’s been a lot clingy lately,” Donghyuck heard Jaehyun say. He was just entering the 127 dorm when he heard people talking in the living room. He was going to ignore them, but then he heard his name. “What’s that about?”

“Pity,” Renjun’s voice responded. “And guilt because he can’t like me back.”

“You’re really going to make this complicated?”

“What?”

“Maybe he’s finally realized he likes you back.”

“That’s how you see it?”

“Yes.”

Having heard enough, he ran to his room. I messed up. That was all that ran through his mind the rest of that day. He couldn’t think of anything other than the idea that the people around them were starting to see them as something else other than best friends. If this continued, they’d be able to convince Renjun to think the same way. Renjun would grow false hope. Donghyuck would have to hurt him again.

So, he did what he thought was right to do. He avoided Renjun like the plague. He couldn’t think of any other ways to dismiss their ideas without hurting Renjun. Blatantly denying would make it look like he’s disgusted with Renjun.

*.*

All their years as best friends, Mark never got angry at him. Annoyed and irritated, yes. But to aim for his nose with a punch packed with all of Mark’s unreleased thoughts on the mess Donghyuck created, never before. In hindsight, Donghyuck expected this. With how red Renjun’s eyes were the first few days after he realized Donhyuck was avoiding him, Donghyuck knew it was only a matter of time before one of them snapped.

“I know you’re an asshole,” Mark said as he heaved for breath. He was that angry. “But this is a whole new level of asshole.”

“Hyuckie, fix your shit,” Taeyong, the one who seems to always end up holding people down from being violent against Dognhyuck, said. “Stop being a coward.”

And that was how he found himself in Renjun’s room about an hour later, waiting for the shorter to come back from his radio show. He didn’t turn the light on, he was scared he’d wimp out if he saw the pictures of him and Renjun tacked on to the wall above Renjun’s bed.

That was why, when Renjun came back and turned the light on, he couldn’t help but let out a series of curses in all the languages he knows. Donghyuck couldn’t blame him, really.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just more comfortable waiting in the dark.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Renjun.”

“Yeah, okay. Don’t answer that. Pretty obvious.”

“Exactly.”

Donghyuck watched as Renjun put his stuff on his desk, ignoring the rather forceful drop of things where they were assigned position. Renjun was angry and Donghyuck knew better than to comment on anything regarding just that. He was satisfied with waiting for a chance to talk to his best friend.

“What do you want?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I get it. You can leave now.”

“Renjun, please.”

As fast as his anger would let him, Renjun faced Donghyuck. It was clear on Renjun’s face that he was seething. It broke Donghyuck’s heart that he’s the one causing Renjun’s constant pain. But again, he’s a coward. And an idiot.

“Please what? Hyuck, what the fuck is going on?”

“I didn’t want you to have false hope, Jun.”

“No, it’s been pretty clear from the very beginning. Lee Donghyuck, you’ll never like me back.”

“But the hyungs-“

“Fuck them, Hyuck.”

Renjun’s tears too, were caused by Donghyuck. After all the efforts he put into not hurting Renjun, he still ended up doing just that.

“Donghyuck, I’m not delusional. Ever since I learned I’ve fallen in love with you, I never once hoped you’d feel the same. No amount of NCT members thinking you feel the same for me would change that.”

“Renjun, I’m sorry.”

That night, though Donghyuck thought it was a miracle, they were able to fix things. There were a lot of crying and more angrily pushed out words. But they did and Donghyuck should have been happy. But as he settled into his bed to officially end the day, he couldn’t help but feel like his heart was somehow on the floor, shattered into a million tiny pieces.

*.*

The image of his broken heart on his bedroom floor was an illusion. His heart didn’t break until a few days later, when he found Renjun and Jaehyun kissing in one of the practice rooms.

1.. 2.. 3..

“So, you and Renjun.”

“It’ll take some time, Hyuckie. But I promise to help him get over you.”

He didn’t want Renjun to get over him. It’s so easy to be selfish. But he’s already knee-deep into this mess. Selfishness meant hurting Renjun and Jaehyun. He wanted to be selfish but not that selfish.

3.. 2.. 1..

“Jun, are you happy now?”

“No.”

Jaehyun hyung isn’t you. Donghyuck could hear it loud and clear. But I’m not about to hurt the one person willing to accept my murdered heart.

*.*

Donghyuck’s life came to an abrupt stop when Jaehyun showed up in his room with red eyes. His mind was a war inside. One part told him to be happy because Renjun rejected Jaehyun. The other part told him to flee because Jaehyun came bearing bad news. Donghyuck was too terrified to move.

“Donghyuck, Renjun’s leaving.”

When he thought his heart couldn’t break any further, he felt it drop again.

“He’s going back to China to collab with Lay sunbae and start his solo career. It’ll take him a few years before he can come back to us. He said he’s had this offer since 2018 but he wanted to promote more with Dream at least until he’s of graduating age.”

That night, his trip to the Dream dorm was taken with heavy steps. He was so, so terrified. All these years, he’s never been scared of waking up without Renjun in his life because he was… there. He was just there even when they weren’t okay. He was there even when they were oceans apart. He felt stupid for not even thinking about where they’re standing. They’re both idols. They met because they share the same dream. This dream bonded them but, inevitably, it’ll separate them. They won’t be Dream forever.

“I was told you’re leaving.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Understandable.”

Carefully, Donghyuck held Renjun’s hand. Caressing Renjun’s hand, he couldn’t help but feel sadder that that hand was the one holding his shattered heart together and Renjun didn’t even know.

“Renjun, I’m in love with you. It took me a while to realize and I’m sorry. I know I’m too late but unlike you I’m selfish. Unlike you, I’m hoping. Unlike you, I’m delusional. If I have to go down on my knees to beg, I will. Junnie, I need a second chance. I can’t live without you.”

“Hyuckie, I can’t say no to them again. I’ve already delayed this for so long.”

“No, I’m not telling you stay. I want a chance to not mess up, and that includes enduring physically long distances apart from you.”

Even after everything he said, Donghyuck was still ready to be pushed away. He fucked up, Renjun had all the right to not accept him. What he didn’t expect was the push of soft lips on his. Renjun, sweet and broken Renjun, was kissing him despite everything. Being the selfish asshole that Donghyuck is, he held on to Renjun’s waist to pull him closer. He wasn’t intending to let go.

*.*

“Okay! Welcome back to Donghyuck’s kiss cam 2020! Let’s see if this year, we can officially complete all members before they run away to another country. With that being said, I’m going to hunt Renjun down first, before he goes back to China.”

Spotting his boyfriend’s snickers behind the curtain of one of the practice rooms in the SM building, he could help but cackle. Renjun’s only in Korea for a month and a half. Everyday since he came back, they were inseparable. Except today, when Donghyuck decided he’d revive his kiss cam before the year ended. Suddenly, he couldn’t get Renjun alone anywhere.

“Junnie! Come here, baby! Let me give you a kiss!” Dongyhuck screeched as he tackled Renjun to the floor. As fast as he can, while Renjun was momentarily distracted by bodily aches, he planted a wet smooch on Renjun’s neck. “Yay! I kissed Renjun!”

Unfortunately, in the ruckus that commenced, the kiss was not recorded on video.


End file.
